Hmong leaders seek to legalize cultural weddings

Wisconsin Hmong leaders aim to change state law to give legal status to cultural weddings so couples would not need two ceremonies.

The Hmong 18 Council of Wisconsin, an elected group that coordinates issues among the 18 Hmong clans in the state, is promoting pending legislation that would allow marriage negotiators called Mejkoob (pronounced may-KONG) to legally certify weddings. The council plans a series of public forums about the legislation, starting on Saturday with events in the Fox Valley and Wausau, and continuing on Aug. 29 with sessions in La Crosse and Milwaukee.

In traditional Hmong weddings, Mejkoob negotiate terms of the union between the families of the couple. Usually there are two Mejkoob, with each family using one. Most Hmong cultural weddings officiated by Mejkoob are not legally recognized outside of the Hmong community.

That means Hmong couples who marry according to age-old customs need to perform an “American” wedding, sometimes in churches, sometimes in courthouses. Or they may not go through that bureaucratic step, in which case their unions aren’t officially recognized by the state.

Mao Khang of Wausau, a vice president on the Hmong 18 Council and the first woman ever to be elected to a statewide Hmong leadership team, said the change would help couples streamline their marriage process, strengthen the standing of the Mejkoob within the community and possibly prevent forced marriages or marriages of underage children.

Noah Her and Bao Vang of St. Paul, Minn., both 30, were married in Wausau according to Hmong traditions. After that wedding, they were married again in the Marathon County Courthouse. In their eyes, it was a redundancy that was costly in both time and money.

“We were in a state where we really did love each other and ready for marriage. Our families had unofficially approved our marriage,” said Vang, a St. Paul native who met Her, a Wausau native, while she was a morning television anchor and reporter in Wausau.

“It was like, fine, we’ll go to the courthouse and make this legal,” Vang said. “But it was kind of a pain. ... And it was, of all the days we shared together, one of the least important (emotionally) days of our lives. But on paper, in a legal sense, it was the most important day of our life.”

If Mejkoob could legally certify the traditional weddings, the legal and emotional importance of marriages would mesh. It also would be a groundbreaking change, Khang said. No other state in the country recognizes Mejkoob as being certified to perform marriages. “This would be a kind of pilot program,” Khang said. “It hasn’t been done before.”

Her, who is the business development manager for the planned Wausau World Market on the city’s west side, said both he and his friends would welcome the Mejkoob change.

“I think it’s a great idea, very convenient,” Her said. “Let’s modernize ourselves, and we won’t let Mejkoob marry anybody. You would have state obligations. ... It would not be as loose of a tradition as the olden days were.”

That might be a sticking point for hard-line traditionalists, Her said, who could see the change as the further erosion of traditional Hmong culture.

“In one sense, it would be one step closer to being more Americanized,” Her said. “And one step further from being Hmong, as well...some people would see that as a loss.”

There is an educational component to the process of allowing Mejkoob to legally certify weddings, Khang said, which would ensure they understand the legal ramifications and limitations of marriage under U.S. and Wisconsin law.

“It’s all about education and resource for these people,” said Khang, who is also an advocate for victims of domestic and sexual abuse for The Women’s Community in Wausau.

The process also would ensure that all members who are married understand their legal rights, she said.

The group has a political ally in state Rep. Jonathan Brosthoff, D-Milwaukee, who is married to a Hmong woman, Khang said.

“It is time our society recognizes cultural leaders and the important role they play in the lives of Hmong community members,” Brosthoff said in a news release. “I would like to hear from Hmong leaders and the community about what they need out of this legislation before moving forward.”

Keith Uhlig can be reached at 715-845-0651 or at kuhlig@gannett.com. Find him on Facebook or on Twitter as @UhligK.

If you go

Mejkoob Project public forums

Saturday

• Appleton area

Time: 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Where: Goodwill Appleton, 1800 Appleton Road, Menasha

• Wausau area

Time: 3 p.m. to 5 p.m.

Where: Hmong American Center, 1109 Sixth St., Wausau

Aug. 29

• La Crosse area

Time: 10 a.m. to noon

Where: La Crosse Area Hmong Mutual Assistance Association, 1815 Ward Ave.

• Milwaukee area

Time: 5 p.m. to 7 p.m.

Where: Hmong American Friendship Association, 3824 W. Vliet St., Milwaukee